Feeling fragmented in life?

To be one of those people that wants to do it all can be energizing, and exciting- following the joy of the projects, not being stuck in a little box that isn’t exciting enough for all of your capacities and interests.

If you find yourself one of those passionate, mulit-faceted people, you’re probably sick of hearing the “you need to niche down” spiel. Don’t worry, I’m not giving it here!

I do want to talk about feeling fragmented. It’s like each interest, project, hopeful thing is a sliver of your collage. And as you add one the contast is beautiful. The color is beautiful. But what do we do when those facets rub up against each other- what about when it’s overwhelming and exhausting but they all feel important and nothing is getting done well?

I know this feeling. I’m a Mom of 3. I’ve got a vlog, and two podcasts. I’ve got a podcast I want to do with my brother but he’s got a lot of health issues so it’s not a regular thing. I’ve got paid editing work. Each of the podcasts are meant to go on Insight Timer (an app that doesn’t allow promotion or mentions of other socials so they have to be edited for that.) YouTube and spotify. Along with all of that is chasing people down for links and pictures, writing descriptons, making promotional videos, uploading those, and probably more I’m not remembering just now. I’ve got a house to clean and laundry to sort and put away and dishes to do and constant decluttering of 5 peoples stuff strewn about the place. I’ve got two 8 year olds that I want to have good rapport with and make quality time for (even though they would choose cartoons over me any time of the day) I have a parenting book I’m reading to help me for the emotion explosions and chaos. My lists have lists and it’s heavy.
The fragments of the beautiful things I love don’t feel so beautiful just now. It is cluttered.

I’m reading The Game of Life and How to Win It by Florence Shovel Shinn, and trying to take to heart to be obedient to my hunches. To lean into my intuition of what I really feel I ought to do, and following through on that does give energy. I’m trying to not look at what I didn’t do, and not lean so heavily into that feeling of disappointment. I think identifying that there is a fragmented feeling is a big step- and listing the things like I just word vomited over here is valuable too. I’ll tell you that I did indeed edit it, because as I wrote, the things I feel the most discouraged about spilled out in a way that I don’t want to manifest. I want to believe that it is coming together and I can choose to make aspects of this life easier. I can let go of the things I really don’t need, and I can create a better reality.

Community is a place we can go to bring our broken peices, and our happy pieces and our unclear pieces and help each other make something beautiful. Where we can recognize our beauty that is only dulled in our perception, with our individual filters of resentment and discouragement and tiredness. We all get tired of trying, of showing up and not seeing what we hoped. On a spiritual journey of growth we can get tired of the sentiments that seem to say that even talking about any of the hard things is bad because we’ve got to eat sleep and breathe positivity in order to get what we want. But pain puts us on the path of deciding what we can change to make what we want.

Thanks for listening to where I am today. I’ll be in a different place tomorrow, next year, and 5 years from now. I’ll probably be reminding myself then that I still have the power to change and grow always.